Goodbye Mom.

We lived with it, we fought with it, but it won.
We were defeated, but we fight on, every day.
There’s no other way to go on.

Once in a while I cry and sometimes I want to die, but often I smile and think of you.
It’s just what I have to do.

Sit back and do like you asked “remember the real me”.

I’m not alright, of course not, because if I was that wouldn’t be right, natural or sane.
I thought you’d live forever, just a minor bump in the road, I couldn’t see this, ever.
Nobody did. Nobody would, Nobody could.

I pushed it away and tried to forget, but your memory won’t let go.
This hurts more than anyone could ever know.
I’ve got no other place but here to go.
I leave and feel so empty, just knowing I couldn’t find the answer.

I don’t have any way to speak to you. I can’t pray or pretend you’re still around. I could stand here and beat the ground, scream and ask why, why you couldn’t fight another day, why you had to go and end it this way.

I’ll never know the pain you felt.

So I can’t judge the actions you took, but I judge my own and I will never forgive myself.